Lani Rose R Dizon
This Christmas is going to be like no other for Genie Delos Reyes Abando. For the first time since coming to Qatar 12 years ago, the 45-year-old Filipino expatriate is finally celebrating Christmas in Doha with her only child, 15-year-old NG Abando Tun who arrived here in April.
In 2012, when NG was only three years old, Genie had to endure the pain of leaving her son behind back home in the Philippines. As a single mother, she had to come to Qatar to find employment here in order to provide for NG’s growing medical needs.
NG was diagnosed with cerebral palsy when he was only nine months old. He has been living in a wheelchair, in need of support and assistance for every single move he makes.
“When I gave birth to NG, I felt a sense of fulfillment as a woman. He was born when he was only 32 weeks old through pre-term delivery, and stayed in the incubator for two to three weeks. However, when he was between eight and nine months old, I started to notice that his arms and legs were starting to become very floppy,” said Genie during an interview with Qatar Tribune recently.
It was then that a doctor diagnosed NG with developmental delay, particularly cerebral palsy; and advised him to go for therapy and consult a neurologist.
As a first-time mother, it was hard for Genie to accept her son’s condition immediately.
“I used to see it as a struggle, but now I see it as part of God’s plan. It’s not an easy journey. But it’s fulfilling as a mother. It’s a challenge in order for me to become a responsible mother. Being a single mom is already a journey of courage and strength; but raising a child with special needs takes another level of commitment, patience, and resilience that few people can truly understand,” she said,
“At the beginning, I had mixed feelings of anxiety and depression sinking in. Also, as a single mother, it was not easy to provide for NG’s medication. He needed to consult with many doctors and specialists for speech therapy, occupational therapy, and physical therapy. In one of his ENT assessments, they found that NG had profound hearing loss and needed hearing aid when he was only one and a half year old,” Genie added.
Financially unstable with no single penny in her pocket, Genie approached a government charity institution for help. Three years after giving birth and caring for NG, she decided to work overseas again.
“I wanted to provide what’s best for him. I knew I needed to accept the circumstances, which I did. But I also needed an action plan after acceptance. I learned how to be responsible and take action in that situation as a single parent,” she said.
After arriving in Qatar, Genie wasted no time and immediately rolled up her sleeves to find work. She applied for all the possible jobs she could get: waitress, cashier, secretary, and more.
“I really cried out to God to give me a job with a good salary. Eventually, I landed my first job as a secretary for a construction company. I was finally meeting NG’s financial needs. However, every night I was crying and having sleepless nights. It was so painful as a single mom to be away from your child. But I needed to move forward in life, because I had NG who was relying on me. I had to be strong. If not, what will happen to him?” added Genie.
Starting from scratch in a foreign country, Genie had renewed hope to rebuild her life again as a single mother of a child with special needs. She’s also indebted to her family back home who cared for NG in her absence.
Through the years, Genie has also progressed in her career. After her secretarial job, she worked as a document controller. And currently, she’s working as a junior accountant for a company in Mesaeed.
She said, “Every year, as a mother, my prayer was always to finally be with my son. Each year, I had been planning to finally go home for good. But it always doesn’t happen, especially when I see the growing expenses back home. Until November last year, I just tried to apply to bring NG to Qatar and applied for his residence visa. Our company was also very supportive and provided me with all the required papers. Just a few days later, my application for NG’s visa was approved. I never knew it was going to be that easy.
“I realized that God had a plan for NG to come to Qatar, so we can be finally together. It was very different from my own plans of going home for good to be with him. And God’s plan always turns out to be the best. Now, NG’s needs are all well provided, with all his medications and therapy free of charge under the Hamad Medical Corporation’s social services. He also attends swimming lessons under the Qatar Foundation’s Ability Friendly Program. For his academics, NG attends online classes from a Philippine-based educational institute,” added Genie.
Asked on how her life has changed now that her son is living with her in Doha, she said, “I always look forward to coming home. Before, it all seemed like mere routine. Now, I’m excited to come home, because I have someone, my son, waiting for me. It’s a different feeling to have a son waiting for me to come home. I’m also excited to serve him, cook food for him, take care of him and provide for his needs. I also love chatting with him. We bond over food and chatting,” she said.
“This is the fulfillment of my prayers, seeing him with me now. I’m happy and fulfilled. I cannot ask for anything more. As long as he’s here with me, and I can provide for his needs, that’s all that matters,” Genie added.
Sharing some bits of practical advice to other parents of children with special needs, Genie said, “Never forget that your child needs you. Your presence, love, and care are the most important things in their world. Stay strong, pray always, and keep moving forward.”
“Although, it’s also important to remember to slow down sometimes. Acceptance and patience are crucial. There’s always a right time for everything. We cannot rush the process. As parents, we tend to always want to see the improvement right away. After a therapy, we want to see our child learning to walk already. We need to understand that they go through process. Each child has his/her own phase and timing for improvements,” she added.
For now, Genie’s focus is to help NG become physically independent, one step at a time. NG currently weighs about 50kg. And Genie has already mastered the art of carrying him to and from his wheelchair the whole time. She also knows that in order to properly care for her son, she has to care for herself too.
She said, “My focus is to help him be able to help himself. When I see his milestones like when he learns to balance his posture while sitting in his wheelchair or when he’s able to lift his own hand to feed himself using a spoon, it’s a different feeling. For many, that’s just normal. But for me, that’s like a big achievement already. Though I continue to pray and hope to see him be able to stand on his own someday.
“One of the best things about NG is that he can speak and comprehend well. Despite his limited body movements, he can converse with people really well. I remember he once told me, ‘Thank you for all the help and love you give me’. That gave me so much more strength,” added Genie.
Like other mothers who celebrate their child’s accomplishments, Genie also beams with a mother’s joy and pride for her son. NG recently achieved a 93% average grade at his online school. Genie was quick to add that while NG can’t write, he is able to compute with his mind. The child has previously won 3rd place at a virtual Math Quiz Bee contest in the Philippines.
Asked about her message to NG, Genie said, “Always remember, you don’t need to be perfect to be loved. Your smile, your laugh, your innocence, it’s all beautiful. I believe in your abilities, of course with God’s help. I’m always here to cheer and celebrate all your victories. Your every little effort always makes me proud.
She added, “It is such a huge blessing to be with NG in Qatar. I’m also blessed to have the support of so many people, the HMC, my company, my family back home, church and friends in Doha. And most of all, I want to thank my son for not giving up even though we went through a lot. I’m always here for him, no matter what. I’m not a perfect mom, but I will try my best to be a good mother”.
